I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
