I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
