IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
