I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
