I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
this just has baby written all over it
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
