So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Randomize
