I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
These tits shall not be calmed
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
