woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
