Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize