The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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