I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
