I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
