I am spending my child support on dildos
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
