and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i believe in u and ur pee
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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