i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
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Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
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Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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