physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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