I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
