So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
