You can't motorboat a personality
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
