tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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