i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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