he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
