So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
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Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
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Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Shame - the story of my life.
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