His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
