You really coming over, don't trick.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
