i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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