i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
