Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
