I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
