But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
