Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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