just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Someone shattered a urinal.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
