He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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