he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
