No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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