i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
