actually, I'm a sock model
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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