He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
