we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
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I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
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An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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