My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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