He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
