Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
that's an acceptable place to lick
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
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I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
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I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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