Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
