Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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