i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
