i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
