I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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