There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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