Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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