I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
