How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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