the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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