he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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