the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
