Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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