my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
