Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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