why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
