he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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