You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
