she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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