I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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