just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
