oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
