is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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