My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
