I think i sorta joined a cult last night
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
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Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
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hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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