Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
