successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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