my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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